. . . . .

So, I've come to the stern conclusion that life has it out for me. Yeah, knowing that the cosmic forces of the universe see to negatively alter my fate isn't necessarily the most uplifting thing to have looming in your mind, but at this point, I think I've come to at least accept that my life is destined to be fucked over and over again by my own actions and my SICKENING BAD sense of timing. I wish that I could sometimes exhibit the social skills that everyone else around me has and could, you know, hold a fucking conversation about something other than music, partying, or school, but I had no social life until college and thus this skill evades me. I need to honestly break my addiction to an iPod and talk to some people and not get lost listening to the people talking to each other and just say what's on my mind, whether they agree or disagree, whether it offends or gets a laugh, whether they cry or they get warm inside. I also wish I had not waited . . . . . . .

for my hesitation has cost me, as it always does. I should contemplate this change, to ease the pain.

Saturday better get here soon. I feel like eradicating myself to the point of ABSOLUTELY no return.